The goal is total recovery - to come out better than you were before. Some heal quickly and feel immediate relief. For others the healing happens gradually, and it's not until months or even years later that you realize you don't hurt anymore. So the challenge is to be patient. But if you can make it through the first weeks and months, if you believe that healing is possible, then you can get your life back. But that's a big if.
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It's a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier healthier life. As children we are told to smile, be cheerful, and put on a happy face. As adults we are told to look on the bright side, to make lemonade, and see glasses as half full. Sometimes reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part though. Youre hope can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint. It's in these moments, when you just want to get real, drop the act, and be your true scared unhappy self.

Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy. Maybe it's this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to state's of bliss, the more confused we get - to the point where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling - trying to be the happy people we wish we were. Until it eventually hits us, it's been there all along. Not in our dreams or our hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar.

Miedo de estar estirando algo que tal vez no da para más. Miedo de tomar un camino incorrecto. Miedo de no animarme a tomar ninguno. Miedo a cagar todo. Miedo a que todo ya esté cagado. Miedo a retenerte y no animarme a más. Miedo a soltarte. Miedo a lo que desconozco y a lo que vendrá. Miedo a perderte pero también a tenerte. Miedo al miedo y miedo a todo. Miedo a no dejar de quererte.

(Jueves 7 de Julio, 2011)